why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
