its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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