he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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