i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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