Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
