i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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