glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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