Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
