I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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