i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize