The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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