someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
