Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
