So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is classic penis vs brain.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
