Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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