You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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