What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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