I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
