I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
