well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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