just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
