I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
