Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
