Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
