I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i will never coherently bang her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think people are normalizing furries
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
