We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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