I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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