everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
