A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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