I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
