if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
