After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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