i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
