Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
