and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
