Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
