I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
