my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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