Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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