so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
