Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
