Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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