Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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