And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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