is your mom at the bar?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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