i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
