He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize