Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
