five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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