I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
