it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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