no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
