Kiss
Puke
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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