So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
