Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
