It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
