Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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