i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
