Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
