i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do herpes really smell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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