did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
