my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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