i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
