It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
