so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize