Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
