3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
