He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
