Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
