I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
