what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
