I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize