The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
