Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.