Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?