Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.