i already hear my dad disowning me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
