Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.

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(310): I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes. http://tfl.nu/odo7

Replies (7) Good night (2312) Bad night (590)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

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(505): I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them. http://tfl.nu/0g2b

Replies (42) Good night (1161) Bad night (2409)
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(937): View more from Ohio

they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend

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(937): they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend http://tfl.nu/tkif

Replies (9) Good night (4179) Bad night (718)
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(630): View more from Illinois

all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

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(630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk

Replies (28) Good night (21264) Bad night (1232)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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(480): I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in http://tfl.nu/axx9

Replies (12) Good night (651) Bad night (4452)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

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(613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t

Replies (79) Good night (9594) Bad night (1482)
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(530): View more from California

Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

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(530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe. http://tfl.nu/c8em

Replies (14) Good night (6271) Bad night (1567)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

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(859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g

Replies (14) Good night (5515) Bad night (2140)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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(732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02

Replies (4) Good night (2900) Bad night (773)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka

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(913): I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka http://tfl.nu/3gfs

Replies (5) Good night (2132) Bad night (813)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

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(732): 4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move http://tfl.nu/7ba1

Replies (6) Good night (3962) Bad night (923)
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(253): View more from Washington

I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.

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(253): I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears. http://tfl.nu/f427

Replies (8) Good night (717) Bad night (1619)
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(858): View more from California

I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."

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(858): I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave." http://tfl.nu/gasm

Replies (14) Good night (1483) Bad night (597)
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(509): View more from Washington

I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.

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(509): I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed. http://tfl.nu/6ffn

Replies (5) Good night (2956) Bad night (605)
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(940): View more from Texas

I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

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(940): I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/cak3

Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (231)

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