exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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