Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

(609): View more from New Jersey

AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

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(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle

Replies (37) Good night (816) Bad night (3635)
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(805): View more from California

I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends

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(805): I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends http://tfl.nu/9344

Replies (35) Good night (1573) Bad night (4690)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.

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(910): Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically. http://tfl.nu/2hl3

Replies (33) Good night (4169) Bad night (946)
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(708): View more from Illinois

youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

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(708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd

Replies (31) Good night (11273) Bad night (1465)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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(785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d

Replies (16) Good night (1177) Bad night (4496)
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(408): View more from California

Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

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(408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y

Replies (15) Good night (2755) Bad night (1113)
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(561): View more from Florida

They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.

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(561): They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment. http://tfl.nu/ozel

Replies (7) Good night (1367) Bad night (2271)
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(813): View more from Florida

I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam

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(813): I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam http://tfl.nu/m89k

Replies (2) Good night (1186) Bad night (547)
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(407): View more from Florida

There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.

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(407): There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese. http://tfl.nu/1bs2

Replies (6) Good night (1024) Bad night (664)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?

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(662): Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!? http://tfl.nu/mo9h

Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (592)
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(541): View more from Oregon

They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.

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(541): They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully. http://tfl.nu/5ynt

Replies (4) Good night (1135) Bad night (557)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It's gameday bitch. Man up.

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(336): I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged. (412): It's gameday bitch. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dewp

Replies (2) Good night (1499) Bad night (655)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.

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(303): You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack. http://tfl.nu/ud5l

Replies (4) Good night (661) Bad night (983)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.

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(541): I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways. http://tfl.nu/pmkq

Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (331)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?

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(719): Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit? http://tfl.nu/ng8r

Replies (2) Good night (1193) Bad night (351)

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