I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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