I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
