textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
