Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug