I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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