Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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