My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
