I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
