I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
