smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
