So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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