I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
