Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize